I grew up with the understanding that you can follow whatever religion best suited you. I didn't know what to believe in or what it meant to believe in something.
My curiosity eventually led me to seek out a church, to grow in God's wonders, and let myself be immersed in His creation. I started to learn more about Him and why He is truly the one and only true God. However, talking about it at home wasn't something that was a comfortable topic. My parents or brother weren't believers at the time, so science, realism, and idols ruled the house. I didn't like to openly talk about Christianity at all and felt uncomfortable being asked questions I wasn't sure I could answer properly. I still kept my faith despite what their opinions of me were and I prayed one day God would change their hearts. I am happy to say eventually my parents and brother were all saved. Through God’s love and time, we can openly love and freely express our feelings towards one another. It has been a wonderful blessing to see my family grow from where we started without knowing who God was, to acknowledging Him, fully embracing His true love.
In high school, I was bullied for a brief period of time. This was a dark period in my life that I wished I could erase and never remember. It affected how I viewed people and led me to misjudge their true character based on their initial actions towards me. I felt my heart was like stone, because I was hurt in the past. I couldn't trust anyone and rarely wanted to talk about myself. I felt disconnected, like no one would understand what I was going through. I remember the bullies called themselves Christians, and I questioned if they really were or not. These so-called Christians were not a good representation of what Christ's love is. I often asked God how they call themselves Christians but yet still acted so cruelly.
There was one night where I felt so hopeless I prayed to God for the first time. I asked God why this was happening and I questioned whether I could get through this situation. Immediately, a sudden sense of peace and assurance swelled up within me. After a long night of reflection, I decided to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. I confessed that I was a sinner, that I myself wasn't righteous myself in this situation and I needed to repent for actions as well. It was an unexplainable sensation that I can only attribute to God Himself. I knew this was the right decision and was willing to go through whatever it took to follow His lead.
I trusted Him more and allowed myself to be more open because I felt I was in a safe space where I could openly express myself and also let Him into my heart. He gave me the strength to redevelop relationships with new and old friends again. I trusted that He would surround me with people who actually care about me.
Reflecting on when I was first baptized, I've grown to really appreciate God's presence. He's brought many good friends into my life that have kept my faith grounded and memories that are my reminders of why I follow Him. I am not ashamed to call myself a Christian. I am not ashamed to openly pray in front of my family during dinner, or seek advice from a Christian friend, or even listen to their situation with an open heart. God has taught me to "love thy neighbor" once again. I am happier because the past has made me stronger and realized that I am not the only one who's struggled in their past. Now, I get excited when I hear happy stories and emotional when it's something sad. I'm trying to be more open and explain myself instead of being misunderstood. I thank God everyday for a new opportunity and every season He puts me through. He is the joy that keeps me going.