His Ways Are Higher Than My Ways
Throughout my childhood I had a persistent problem with facing death. I was uncertain if I would end up in heaven or hell. Just the thought of death would frighten me immensely. Late one night right before I went to sleep, the thought of death popped into my head. I felt terrified, not knowing what to do; I cried on my bed until my mom finally heard me. I explained to my mom my fear of death and asked “Why weren’t we made in Heaven with God, so we wouldn’t need to die?” My mom explained to me that people are naturally sinners and don’t deserve to be with God, who is perfect, but God still sent Jesus to die for us to provide us with a pathway to Heaven because He loves us. She then told me that as long as I believe that God sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins that I would have eternal life in Heaven and trust in Him. I confessed that I am a sinner and repented my sins. No matter how bad my sins were God would always forgive me as long as I repented. I believed that Jesus had died on the cross for my sins and rose on the third day for me so that I could be saved and accepted that the only way to eternal life would be through Jesus and only through Him. That night my mom prayed with me to help ease my fear and I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. From that night on I decided to place my faith in God. I trusted God that whenever death comes up that I could go to Him and He would help me ease my fear. This began my process in developing my trust in God.
Growing up I never really relied on God. It was not until my rejection from Duke that finally led me to trusting Him completely. I had my heart set on one thing and it was to get into Duke. In the months before early decision college letters came back I did everything I could in order to ensure that I would get into Duke. I studied for two whole months in the summer for the ACT just so I could get a 35 on it and I learned everything about the school so that I would ace the interview. Unknowingly I made Duke into my idol and placed Duke above all us. Everyday my prayers would revolve about getting into Duke and nothing else, they became empty prayers. I didn’t glorify God through my actions and prayers. I took God off His rightful place in my heart and placed Duke on it instead. Once I received my rejection letter from Duke I was destroyed. It felt like God betrayed my trust, I believed that He was going to get me into Duke after praying for months. I asked God “Why did I get rejected? What was the point of getting a 35?” During this time of weakness I turned to God and I prayed “God please forgive me for placing Duke above you for these past few months. Lord help me place my trust in you that you will lead me to the college you want me to be at. Show me where you want me to go and help me to never place anything above you.” God led me to Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Through this verse God spoke to me that it wasn't in His plan for me to go to Duke but I'm meant for something even better. After this event, I was able to fully place my trust in God as my Lord and Savior. I repented that night and allowed for God to take full control of my life.
Now I'm learning to trust God in every step of my life. Every problem I encounter during my walk I have to trust God because He knows better than I do and that His plan for me is much greater than my plan for myself. I should never put my plan above His.